And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

And here's where you can find Electrocutioner's Song as well as other
LNH Crossovers:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Crossovers/

And its the next parts of -- The Electrocutioner's Song!

The Writers for this Crossover are:

Jef "The KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej
Todd "Scavenger" Kogutt
Dave "Dvandom" Van Domelen
and Raymond "wReam" Bingham

First Off we have CRISIS OF INFINITE CLONES #1 by Dave Van Domelen!
Wait! Is this Part Four?! What happened to Part Three?! And will
wReam bomb Dave's dorm room because of it?! Will Sig.Lad stiff his
taxi driver out of a tip?! And will this incur the wrath of the
X-OVER MEN?!!

And Finally we have ULTIMATE NINJA #1 by Raymond "wReam" Bingham!
Oh, so that's where the third part was! Will it still make sense
if you read the fourth part before it?! Will the Ultimate Ninja
have no choice, but to kill all his teammates if they keep accusing
him of being the traitor?! And is it time for Table and Chair to make
all their LNH and LNV action figures go kissy kissy with each other?!!

Find out in...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #279

=====================
Electrocutioner's Song Part Two
=====================

_______________________________________________________________________________

CRISIS OF INFINITE CLONES #1 - Part Four of Electrocutioner's Song
==============================================================================
+-------------------------+ +----------------------------------------+
|||/////||||\\\\\\\|||||||| | Memor-X, X-treme close-up of eye: |
|///// oooo \\\\\\|||||| | |
|//// oooo \\\\\\||||| | Oh ye of much detail and little |
|||| ooo |||||||||| | detail! Hundreds of lines of art |
|\\\\ //////||||| | and not a one for writing! You have |
|\\\\\ //////|||||| | no identity yet possess all identities|
|||\\\\\||||////////||||||| | but no character yet can assume any |
|||||\\\\\\////////|||||||| | character! Oh ye of little face! |
|-------------------^^^^^^| | And tiny heads! You rake in dough, |
| \ ------------- | | for you are as pliable as it is. |
| \ \ \ \ \ \ | +----------------------------------------+
| \ \ \ \ \ \|
| \ \ |
+-------------------------+

=============================================================================

A bane wind blows across the surface of a desolate world, a world that has
seen empires fall and heroes die. A world you thought you'd never have to read
about again except maybe in flashbacks in Sarcastic Lad's origin story.
H'yyydde'uz. (Note the revisionist post-Beige Noon spelling!)
In a shattered fortress, in a forgotten subbasement, in a poorly lit
soundstage, there lay five dust-encrusted tubes. A faint light was blinking on
one of them. That tube shook slightly. Then more heavily. Then cursing was
heard from within. It sounded much like, "Stupid latch!" Suddenly a fist
thrust up through the glass, a fist wearing a vaguely familiar looking
glove....

* * * *

Manga Man lurked in the shadows outside the LNHQ. The fools had thought
to entrap him with Harmony Gold Robotech! Ha! He was MANGA MAN, not ANIMAGE!
Badly dubbed animation such as Robotech caused him pain, it is to be certain,
but any sapient being would feel pain at the pseudo-Minmei's singing. No, he
had fooled them all these years into thinking that any American-butchered
Japanese artwork would render him helpless. In truth, only badly translated
Manga and Robert DeJesus art could affect him. He was glad RAClipso had clued
him into the "Fake Weakness" trick lo those many issues past. But now he was
free, and he would teach that insipid Plot King a thing or two about true art!
"MANGA MAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING FREE? AND DON'T THINK I CAN'T SEE YOU,
LURKING IS NOT ONE OF YOUR POWERS!"
"So, weakminded American who needs such crutches as plots! I have you
now! For I have violated plot structure by attacking you in Part Four before
Part Three was even written! Your doom is near! YaTAH!"
With that and a burst of speedlines and blurred limbs, Manga Man attacked
the weakened Plot King!
"No...must...have...plot! Order MUST be maintained!" Taking advantage of
the several panels of speedlines Manga Man was passing through, Plot King
pulled out his Creative Writing Text, copyright 1913, before plots were deemed
antideconstructionist and drew strength from it. Then the two paradoxical
paradigms collided in something resembling a dialectic.

* * * *

Back on H'yyydde'uz, a figure cloaked in shadow despite the harsh
soundstage spotlights emerged from his tube and coughed at the cloud of dust
thus raised.
"HAckhAckKaHUUK! Who gave the housekeeping staff the day off?" mused the
mysterious figure. Tantalizing glimpses of him emerged into the light...he
looked VERY familiar. Yet you cannot place him. Anyway, everyone alive (and
most of the dead ones) was either A: fighting Marvel_Zombie Lad (or however its
spelled now), B: searching for Sidekick Man, C: Investigating the mysterious
goings on at City Hall or D: wondering if they were still dead from Seize
Dangerous. <Insert quick kaleidoscope of quarter-page panels showing scenes
from the previous three issues, including the one not written yet>
"Are you done fulfilling your obligations to the other plotlines yet?"
impatiently asked the mysterious figure.
Yes. And stop talking to the narrator.
"Sorry." The figure looked both ways then whispered, "say, can i
introduce myself and open the other tubes yet?"
No, we have to change scenes again.
"Aw, sh..."

* * * *

A taxi pulled up in front of LNHQ. Sig.Lad stepped out of it and said,
"What do I owe you?"
"Well, three crossposts and that string of red lights...looks like $15."
Sig.Lad grumbled an fished fifteen bucks out of his pockets. "Here."
"What, no tip?"
"NO. Not after you took that detour through Seize Dangerous and got me
killed and zombified and whatever else happened. I don't wanna think about it.
Now get outta here."
The cabbie grumbled and decided it was a damn good thing he overcharged
that cheapskate "hero" by ten bucks. The cab drove off.
Sig.Lad caught some speed lines out of the corner of his eye, but when he
turned to look they were gone. Oh well, he thought. He carefully avoided the
blood left on the steps by Integrity Quest mob-members and rang the bell.
When no one answered, he pounded on the door with his Day The Earth
Cringed sig.file.
The door opened. "Hey, cut it out! I was knitting!" said Sidewinder as
he opened the door.
"Where are everyone?" asked Sig.Lad.
"That's where *is* everyone," replied Sidewinder.
"Since when did you become Grammar Lad? Never mind, I want an answer to
the question before you digress again."
"Well, they're all off on missions. I think I might have been on one of
the teams, but, well, I got sidetracked. What can I do you for?" asked
Sidewinder as he tossed his knitting over into a corner.
"Well, I just got out of my one-shot, and got here as fast as I could for
the crossover. I think I saw some speed lines...is that part of the
crossover?"
"Probably just Manga Man. I was just watching the security tapes showing
him escaping. I didn't know there were manga about lockpicking and VCR
reprogramming.... I wouldn't worry about it though. Manga Man never can keep
to a coherent plot long enough to do any real damage. And the Oreo delivery
truck ran over whatever he was planning on using on us. Come on inside and we
can see if we can sneak off with any of Sarcastic Lad's Oreos before..."
"TOO LATE!" shouted an armored figure who had just popped up from nowhere
(okay, he had been crouched behind a mailbox). He was dressed in armor that
looked extremely dangerous...both to his foes and to himself when he tried to
don it. All sorts of blades and spikes stuck out from it at odd angles, and
little squares of toilet paper adorned most of the exposed areas of skin. He
bore a Super Soaker 2000, which by extrapolation from the other Supersoakers
was a squirtgun on the Liefeld scale.
"Have you ever known what it was like to be denied a mother's love? Any
mother's? Have you ever known what it was like to never suckle at a mother's
breast, or even a girlfriend's? Have you ever needed to wear a diaper at age
34 because you never had loving parents to toilet train you? Huh? Well HAVE
YOU????" demanded the man.
"Huh?" asked both Net.Heroes in unison.
"Well I HAVE! And I have the psychiatrist's bills to prove it! I am
Sufferyng (tm and don't you forget it!)!!!! And I have come to seek my revenge
on you Sig.Lad!"
"Why? What did I ever do? I've lead a clean life!" whined Sig.Lad in his
best Goon Show imitation.
"It's not what you *did*, it's what I will by fiat declare you will do to
me in some alternate future which won't come to pass because of the events of
this storyline something that will make me what I am today, which is a total
loser!"
While Sig.Lad stood stunned by the incomprehensible grammar of that
exclamation and Sidewinder thought to himself that Sufferyng was merely trying
to displace his inadequacies onto Sig.Lad, Sufferyng shot Sig.Lad with the
squirt gun.
Sig.Lad spluttered, "Hey! They have laws against that sort of thing! At
least, I think they do...isn't this really supposed to be a parody of Boston?"
Sidewinder pondered, "No, I think it's supposed to be New York City...hey,
what's happening to you?"
"I don't...euuurgh! Oop! Ack!" Sig.Lad collapsed in a goopy heap.
"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The TransMode Virus works! Now his mutations will be
so unstable that he will be vulnerable to the madness that eventually turns him
into Acton LOOOOOOOF!" Sidewinder had rammed into Sufferyng at full speed.
"OWSHARPYPAINOORTCH!" shouted the lacerated Sidewinder, who immediately
digressed into alt.first.aid.
Sufferyng had meanwhile disappeared into thin air (oh alright, he crouched
back down behind the mailbox if you *must* know).
The door opened and RosterwReam looked out. "Oh SH*T! I gotta save
Sig.Lad! If he keeps mutating like this I'll *NEVER* get his entry finished!"
RosterwReam scooped up Sig.Lad using his copy of the roster as a, well,
scoop, and rushed him inside. Unfortunately, since he was using the roster as
a scoop, he couldn't refer to it to find the MedLab. Just then (HA! I bet you
thought I was gonna say "suddenly"!) Sidewinder reappeared, all bandaged up and
with a bucket in hand.
"Quick! Dump him in this! Now follow me! I think I know where the
medlab is!" With that, Sidewinder blasted off faster than RosterwReam could
follow. However, with his roster freed up he used the map to find the medlab.
He arrived just as Sidewinder was pouring Sig.Lad into a tube (hey, they
were on sale at Props'R'Us), where he coalesced into Slap.Sig.
"WOO!" said Slap.Sig, in his one line of throwaway dialogue.
"Don't hit that button!" shouted RosterwReam.
Sidewinder turned abruptly, hitting the button with his elbow. "Which
button?"
"That one," replied Roster with an air of defeat as the tube hummed and
suddenly flashed brightly. When their vision cleared, the two net.heroes saw
the tube was empty.
"Nice going. You put him in Doc Stomper's Experimental Gene Scrambler and
Random Teleporter," commented RwR.
"What the hell would Doc Stomper be doing with one of those?"
"I dunno, he's some kind of comicbook doctor. Well, now Sig.Lad's
screwed. I mean, the thing is labeled, 'Not A Medtube,' you idiot!"
Sidewinder's face fell. "Oops."

On 3/19/23 5:16 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> First Off we have CRISIS OF INFINITE CLONES #1 by Dave Van Domelen!
> Wait! Is this Part Four?! What happened to Part Three?! And will
> wReam bomb Dave's dorm room because of it?!

I mean, circumstances indicate no. o3o

> Will Sig.Lad stiff his taxi driver out of a tip?!

*gasp* Never, Sig.Lad's a hero - unless this is the first step of his
transformation into Acton Lord! :o

> Will the Ultimate Ninja
> have no choice, but to kill all his teammates if they keep accusing
> him of being the traitor?!

Let's be honest, he was gonna do that anyway! It's a real time-saver...

> And is it time for Table and Chair to make
> all their LNH and LNV action figures go kissy kissy with each other?!!

D'awwww

> +-------------------------+ +----------------------------------------+
> |||/////||||\\\\\\\|||||||| | Memor-X, X-treme close-up of eye: |
> |///// oooo \\\\\\|||||| | |
> |//// oooo \\\\\\||||| | Oh ye of much detail and little |
> |||| ooo |||||||||| | detail! Hundreds of lines of art |
> |\\\\ //////||||| | and not a one for writing! You have |
> |\\\\\ //////|||||| | no identity yet possess all identities|
> |||\\\\\||||////////||||||| | but no character yet can assume any |
> |||||\\\\\\////////|||||||| | character! Oh ye of little face! |
> |-------------------^^^^^^| | And tiny heads! You rake in dough, |
> | \ ------------- | | for you are as pliable as it is. |
> | \ \ \ \ \ \ | +----------------------------------------+
> | \ \ \ \ \ \|
> | \ \ |
> +-------------------------+

This one's pretty good!

> A bane wind blows across the surface of a desolate world, a world that has
> seen empires fall and heroes die. A world you thought you'd never have to read
> about again except maybe in flashbacks in Sarcastic Lad's origin story.
> H'yyydde'uz. (Note the revisionist post-Beige Noon spelling!)

X3 ooooh ahhhhh

> In a shattered fortress, in a forgotten subbasement, in a poorly lit
> soundstage, there lay five dust-encrusted tubes. A faint light was blinking on
> one of them. That tube shook slightly. Then more heavily. Then cursing was
> heard from within. It sounded much like, "Stupid latch!" Suddenly a fist
> thrust up through the glass, a fist wearing a vaguely familiar looking
> glove....

GASP! :o

> No, he
> had fooled them all these years into thinking that any American-butchered
> Japanese artwork would render him helpless. In truth, only badly translated
> Manga and Robert DeJesus art could affect him.

Let me see... oh, yes, early Antarctic Press could be painful. X> From a quick
skim he seems to have gotten a lot better.

> "No...must...have...plot! Order MUST be maintained!" Taking advantage of
> the several panels of speedlines Manga Man was passing through, Plot King
> pulled out his Creative Writing Text, copyright 1913, before plots were deemed
> antideconstructionist and drew strength from it. Then the two paradoxical
> paradigms collided in something resembling a dialectic.

I feel like there's a lot of very odd politics here. X>

> Anyway, everyone alive (and
> most of the dead ones) was either A: fighting Marvel_Zombie Lad (or however its
> spelled now), B: searching for Sidekick Man, C: Investigating the mysterious
> goings on at City Hall or D: wondering if they were still dead from Seize
> Dangerous. <Insert quick kaleidoscope of quarter-page panels showing scenes
> from the previous three issues, including the one not written yet>
> "Are you done fulfilling your obligations to the other plotlines yet?"
> impatiently asked the mysterious figure.
> Yes. And stop talking to the narrator.

X3 I know that feeling

> "Sorry." The figure looked both ways then whispered, "say, can i
> introduce myself and open the other tubes yet?"
> No, we have to change scenes again.
> "Aw, sh..."

Oh nooooooo XD

> Sig.Lad grumbled an fished fifteen bucks out of his pockets. "Here."
> "What, no tip?"
> "NO. Not after you took that detour through Seize Dangerous and got me
> killed and zombified and whatever else happened. I don't wanna think about it.
> Now get outta here."

Well, okay, that's fair

> The cabbie grumbled and decided it was a damn good thing he overcharged
> that cheapskate "hero" by ten bucks.

On the other hand, also fair

> Sig.Lad caught some speed lines out of the corner of his eye, but when he
> turned to look they were gone. Oh well, he thought. He carefully avoided the
> blood left on the steps by Integrity Quest mob-members and rang the bell.

Wow, this is really well-tied-in to everything else that was going on. X>

> "Probably just Manga Man. I was just watching the security tapes showing
> him escaping. I didn't know there were manga about lockpicking and VCR
> reprogramming....

Or get your degree!

> "TOO LATE!" shouted an armored figure who had just popped up from nowhere
> (okay, he had been crouched behind a mailbox). He was dressed in armor that
> looked extremely dangerous...both to his foes and to himself when he tried to
> don it. All sorts of blades and spikes stuck out from it at odd angles, and
> little squares of toilet paper adorned most of the exposed areas of skin.

Oh, here's the actual Executioner's Song parody. X>

> He
> bore a Super Soaker 2000, which by extrapolation from the other Supersoakers
> was a squirtgun on the Liefeld scale.

They made one of those! And then stopped making it because it was too powerful! X>

> "Have you ever known what it was like to be denied a mother's love? Any
> mother's? Have you ever known what it was like to never suckle at a mother's
> breast, or even a girlfriend's? Have you ever needed to wear a diaper at age
> 34 because you never had loving parents to toilet train you?

Blah blah blah, join the kink community like everyone else

> "It's not what you *did*, it's what I will by fiat declare you will do to
> me in some alternate future which won't come to pass because of the events of
> this storyline something that will make me what I am today, which is a total
> loser!"

X3;;; Oh, 90s X-Men

> Sig.Lad spluttered, "Hey! They have laws against that sort of thing! At
> least, I think they do...isn't this really supposed to be a parody of Boston?"
> Sidewinder pondered, "No, I think it's supposed to be New York City...

It's New York City after dark, Boston during the daytime, Las Vegas at lunch and
Buenos Aires just after tea
> "I don't...euuurgh! Oop! Ack!" Sig.Lad collapsed in a goopy heap.
> "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The TransMode Virus works! Now his mutations will be
> so unstable that he will be vulnerable to the madness that eventually turns him
> into Acton LOOOOOOOF!" Sidewinder had rammed into Sufferyng at full speed.

I love that this actually turns out to be a huge plot point down the road. X3

> "OWSHARPYPAINOORTCH!" shouted the lacerated Sidewinder, who immediately
> digressed into alt.first.aid.

X3 X3 X3

> Sufferyng had meanwhile disappeared into thin air (oh alright, he crouched
> back down behind the mailbox if you *must* know).

XD

> The door opened and RosterwReam looked out. "Oh SH*T! I gotta save
> Sig.Lad! If he keeps mutating like this I'll *NEVER* get his entry finished!"

Oh, I know that one too

> Just then (HA! I bet you
> thought I was gonna say "suddenly"!)

I feel like this was one of my favorite jokes as a kid. X>

> "Nice going. You put him in Doc Stomper's Experimental Gene Scrambler and
> Random Teleporter," commented RwR.
> "What the hell would Doc Stomper be doing with one of those?"
> "I dunno, he's some kind of comicbook doctor.

If Sister State-the-Obvious had been around this never would've happened.

> +--------------------------+ +-------------------------+
> | | | ACTON LORD graces the |
> | /| | | Nonsense files... |
> | ##### / | | | |
> | */^V^\* / '| | | Following the law |
> | (< O O >) /_/_|cton | | that keeps you captive |
> | \\/^\// Lord | | makes your goals almost |
> | \#"#/ | | a paradox. You live |
> | ,---|###|----. | | for something you hope |
> | / +---+ / /\ | | not to achieve and then |
> || / \ A// \ | | what will you do when |
> ||\__/\o \ // | | | you have achieved it? |
> || || | \_^^^_| | | The mighty shall weep |
> |/\ || |o < |OOOO| > | | in the shadow of thy |
> | \/\ \ < ()--/| > | | mischief, but you shall |
> | / | |o |VVV/ | | fracture the final word.|
> | / \_\____\/\/ | | |
> |__________________________| |_________________________|