Many people believe that men who are bad to women have low self-esteem. In many cases this is not the case. These men's behaviour is not a function of how they feel about themselves but of how they feel about the woman or women in general.

My former partner Julia was married to a millionaire who was absolutely horrible to her. He did not have low self-esteem. He thought that he was the godliest man he ever knew. His behavior did not come from how he felt about himself but of how he felt about her. He did not think that he was a bad person; he thought that she was a bad person. And he was terrible to her.

Nazis, Muslims and suchlike do not suffer from low self-esteem. Their problem is wrong beliefs. If you think that Jews are bad, you will be bad to Jews however you feel about yourself. If you think that women are bad, you will be bad to women however you feel about yourself. Raising self-esteem in these situations does nothing to correct the problem.

In many cases the man with higher self-esteem will be more attractive or successful than man with lower one. That doesn't mean that he will be a better person. In many cases it works the other way around. If you have higher standards for yourself you will find it harder to feel good about yourself than if you have lower standards for yourself. The person with lower standards will have higher self-esteem; the person with higher standards will be a better person.

If you are in a bad relationship: don't try to raise your partner's self-esteem. Work on how he sees you and how he sees women.