Tis the X-Mas reposting season..

Man, 2004 was so long ago...

This Holiday Special is brought to you by:

Mr. Paprika Brand Eggnog: Now that's a Man's Eggnog!

Grand Theft Flight.thingee - Northpole: Guns, Drugs, Prostitutes,
Elves, Reindeers, and More Prostitutes! Finally a video game that puts
the Ho, Ho, Ho's back into Holiday! (Maybe inappropriate for some small
children.)

And now...

The JONG Company proudly presents:

CAULIFLOWER THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE POOCH

#1 (out of 4)

The Dog That Barked -- Christmas!

The Ultimate Ninja stretched his arms and gave a yawn as he walked into
the LNHQ's lobby. He was still recovering from the Zombie Thanksgiving,
which had happened just yesterday when some satanic vegetarians
unleashed demonically possessed frozen turkeys on the citizens of
Net.ropolis. Fortunately, the two brothers: Nomex Man and Captain
Napalm were there to help with the trouble. The Ultimate Ninja imagined
that the streets of Net.ropolis still smelled like barbecued turkey.
Hopefully, today would be uneventful. The ninja guessed though that the
LNH would be needed for crowd control at the malls to keep the innocent
bystanders from killing each other.

As he stepped into the lobby for a cup of coffee and to brief the
receptionist Kyoko Ishikawa on a few items, he sensed that something was
afoot. A bunch of LNH'rs were loitering around the receptionist desk
laughing and fooling around. This was never a good sign. What were
they doing? Their attention seemed to be focused on something. Some
kind of animal. A dog?

The Ultimate Ninja cleared his throat.

"Oh, hi UN! Didn't see you there. Isn't this guy just the cutest!"
responded Catalyst Lass holding the small black and white dog close to
her face. "Yes you are! Yes you are! *giggle* He's licking my face!"

The Ultimate Ninja gripped the hilt of his katana blade tightly. "How
did this dog get in the building?" he said trying to bring some
professionalism back to the conversation.

"Oh, um. He was already here when I entered the lobby," The
Incredible-Man-With-No-Life said shrugging his arms.

"And when I came to work he was already in the building too. I just
thought he was someone's pet," Kyoko said with a nervous tone in her
voice wondering if UN was in one of his crazed homicidal killer moods
this morning.

"So, no one let him in? He just waltzed right in the building without
setting off any of our highly advanced security equipment? Is that what
you people are saying?"

"Well our security has never really been all that great, UN. I mean
really, it's not like this kind of thing hasn't happened before,"
wReamhack interjected and then stepped slightly back as the Ultimate
Ninja's gaze found him. "Um.. not that I approve of this of course.
I'm just as disappointed by all this as you are. Yep. Disappointed.
Really disappointed. Bad security system!" wReamhack waved his finger
at the security system in a stern manner.

UN sighed. "You realize that for all we know this dog could be some
kind of shapeshifting alien or some demon hellspawn? You realize that,
don't you? Waiting for his chance to slaughter us all when we have our
guard down."

"Oh come on, Ultie! Quit being such a grinch! This li'l fella wouldn't
hurt a flea. Would ya? Would ya? Yes, yure just a wittle angel!
Aren't you? Yes you are. Yes you are!" The little dog responded to
Catalyst Lass's questions by licking her face again.

"I did do a scan of him, UN," Dr. Stomper remarked. "Apparently he's
47% poodle, 46% maltese, 4% pit bull, and the last 3% I couldn't identify."

"I guess that makes him a pit maltoodle!" pointed out a scholarly
Parking Karma Kid.

"*Ahem* Anyway," Dr. Stomper continued. "I didn't get any huge power
readings. I think he's harmless."

"Fine. I don't care. Do whatever you want people. I don't care.
Please feel free to forget the countless times my paranoia has been
proven right. But if it is some kind of monster that brutally murders
all of you, don't pretend you weren't warned. And believe me if that
does happen, I will have no problem telling you people that I told you
so. And when you people die I hope you suffer greatly. But I don't
care. Nope. I really don't care. Kyoko. If anyone needs me, I'll be
in the Peril Room. Killing things. Killing a lot of things. If anyone
needs me that is. Have fun with the demonspawn."

With that said the Ultimate Ninja stomped out of the lobby and towards
the Peril Room with a very intense expression on his face.

"Well. Guess that means we can keep him." The
Incredible-Man-With-No-Life stroked his chin. "So, what should we call
him?"

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"*Ahem*. Could I have your attention people? If we could all just kind
of be quiet. People? Are you listening to me, people? Is this
microphone on? Anyone?" said The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life standing
behind a podium interrupting a noisy room packed with LNH'rs.

"Here, Incredible-Man-With-No-Life. Let me handle this," said
Innovative Offense Boy taking over the mike.

"SHUT THE @#%^@&^# @#*&^&$^% UP!!! The next person that speaks I will
personally $%^$^$%^ your #$%^#$%^ with a *&%@$%!!! Do you understand?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Silence washed over the room in a flash with
everyone just kind of staring at the podium. "Okay. They're all yours."

"Um.. thanks, Innovative Offense Boy. Well. I guess you're all
wondering why I called this meeting. As I'm sure you've heard through
the rumor mill, the LNH has a new pet. This guy right here." The
Incredible-Man-With-No-Life picked up the little dog and held him up so
everyone could see him. This was followed by a lot of 'Awwws' and
'Isn't he just the cutest?!'. "But there is one problem! He doesn't
have a name. And, well, I guess I was wondering if anyone had any
possible suggestions?"

With that said, every single LNH'r in the room started to give name
suggestions at the same time. Chaos of course followed.

California Kid: "How about the Doggie Dude, Dude?"

aLLiterative Lass: "Suddenly, Simon Sounds Simply Superb."

Old Comics Man: "When I was kid, dogs didn't have names. We just
called them wolves and they would sit by the fire and occasionally we
would throw them a chunk of mammoth gristle. And we liked it that way."

Mojo Dog: "Ret Rim Rick Ris Rown Rame! Rarrogant Rumans!!"

wReamhack: "Old wReller?"

Kid Enthusiastic: "Edo-o, the Ninjadog!!! Oh, wait!!! No. No. I've
got it!! Puppytron 2000!!! Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! No Wait!! Hold the
Phones!!! I've got it!!! This is the winner!!!! Yes!!! Fi-Dorr, the
Mighty!!! Bow Down to the Name Master!!! Ha!! Ha!! Oh wait. Here's a
better one...."

Irony Man: "How about Dog Catcher?"

Kiwi #1238: "Kiwi!"

Deja Dude: Rex? Pouchie? Fido? Dogneto?

Easily-Discovered Man Lite: "I say we call him 'Doctor Apocalypse'.
Super-villains tend to respect you a lot more if they think you've
turned one of their own into a dog. Besides, I've always wanted to say,
'Assemble the team! Doctor Apocalypse is on the loose... and he's
crapped on the lawn again.' But maybe that's just me."

Captain Cleanup: "How about Spotless?"

*
Vel: "Fro'nakolshen."

Kiwi #3745: "Kiwi!"

Self-Righteous Preacher: "I believe he should be called Pat so he can
be named after one of the truly great Americans -- Pat Robertson!"

Super Apathy Lad: "Feh."

Namer Boy: "Damn! The first chance I've ever had to help the LNH by
using my naming powers, and I can't because I've got Namer's Block!"

Writer's Block Woman: "Sir Galahad, Mighty Canine Knight of Goodness!!
Oh, honey, it's your turn!! Come up with one of those great names
you're always coming up with!! Come on, honey!! Don't be shy!!
Everyone's waiting!! You can do it!!"

Mouse: "Oh, for the love of God. Dog. There? Satisfied?"

Sarcastic Lad: "Writer's Block Woman? Could you please ask your
daughter to turn down the brilliant light that is her creative genius?
It's giving me a sunburn!"

Limp-Asparagus Lad: "K-9. Or is that too intense?"

Fourth Wall Lass: "Daggit. And no I'm not going to explain what that
means."